I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
