My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
