it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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