You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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