We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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