Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
