If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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