My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
