he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
