I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
