Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
