that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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