i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize