Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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