you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
