I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
