Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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