we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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