Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
