when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
