It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
