just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
