What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
