Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
