don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
