Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
