Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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