Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
