how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
