The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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