just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my liver is dry heaving
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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