Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
