i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
