You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Houston, we have a blender
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
