Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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