i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
