Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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