it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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