I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
