Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
