i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
