Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
