i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
