When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
