i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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