using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My feet surprised me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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