Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
did i just pee glitter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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