The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
