I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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