He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
