thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize