I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
