No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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