So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
