My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Randomize