I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
