If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
