I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
