glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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