I want to make a zoo with you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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