I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
