I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
