Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
