I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
