after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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