I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
