32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
