Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
