What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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