he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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