My first STD was from a foam party
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
