i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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