I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
